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Some More Business Jargon

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Indiana Jones and the Secret of the Atomic FridgeI’ve written several times now about business jargon, and whether you should use it or not. I’ve rounded up some new examples, both good and bad:


Above-board [adj.]: “You’re not being above-board with me.” Just say “honest.”
Agreeance [n.]: Agreement. “Are we in agreeance?” It is legal in 12 states to kill a person who uses this “word.”
Bouncebackability [n.]: The ability to reverse a losing situation. Sorry, you can’t make a new word by stringing together three existing words. This isn’t German.
Bucketize [v.]: To organize information into groups. “Let’s take a moment to bucketize our ideas.” There’s a name for turning random nouns into verbs: “idiocy.”
Can I stir fry an idea in your think-wok? [exp.]: “Can I have your opinion?” This person can be killed in all 50 states and Puerto Rico.
Criticality [n.]: “I cannot emphasize the criticality of this issue enough.” What you mean is, “I cannot emphasize how critical this is.” Dumbass.
Extrapediately [adv.]: “Immediately,” as in “stop using this idiotic made-up word extrapediately.”
Human capital [n.]: Just say “people.” Please.
I hate to say “I told you so.” [exp.] Don’t use this, because no human being in the history of civilization ever hated saying “I told you so.”
Impactful [adj.]: Having impact. Idioticful.
Meritocracy [n.]: See also Fairyland, Shangri-La, Unicorn Planet, and Santa’s Workshop.
Operationalize [v.]: To do. That’s it. Just “to do.”
Oxygen-move [n.]: “Breathing new life” into a project. Don’t base your analogies on analogies.
Triangulate [v.]: To involve a third person or party. Funny, that’s not what “triangulate” means.


Acluistic [adj.]: The state of being “without a clue.” Heh heh. Nice.
Adhocracy [n.]: a business with no formal structure. Not a good thing.
D-PAD [v.]: “Downloading Porn All Day,” for when an employee has nothing to do. Not that I’d know.
Eschew obfuscation. [exp.]: “Avoid unnecessarily obtuse language.” That, Alanis, is irony.
Homing from work [v.]: Dealing with personal concerns while at work. Clever because it’s the opposite of “working from home.”
Jumped the shark. [exp.]: “Passed its prime.” The new, preferred version is “nuke the fridge.”
Malicious obedience [n.]: Doing exactly as the boss says, and hoping their bad decisions backfire on them.
Meta-ignorance [n.]: Being ignorant of the fact that you’re ignorant.
Phone shui [n.]: In ancient Chinese tradition, the art of adjusting the placement of your cellphone to find a signal.
Presenteeism [n.]: Working ridiculously long hours. Clever because it’s the opposite of “absenteeism.”
Voluntold [v.]: “Volunteered” for something by a superior.

Some More Business Jargon by
Authored by: Erik Even