Humor: The Differences Between You and Your Boss

From the Internet, with some additions of my own: When you take a long time, you’re slow. When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough. When you don’t do it, you’re lazy. When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy. When you make a mistake, it’s your fault. When your boss makes a mistake, it’s your fault. When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority. When your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative. When you take a stand, you’re being bullheaded. When your boss does it, he’s being firm. When you break a rule of etiquette, you’re being rude. When your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original. When you please your boss, you’re a suck-up. When your boss pleases his boss, he’s being cooperative. When you’re out of the office, you’re wasting company time. When your boss is out of the office, he’s “in pocket.” When you take a day off sick, you’re sick too often. When your boss takes a day off sick, it’s a tragic illness. When you ask for a few hours off, you must be going for an interview. When your boss asks for a few hours off, it’s unavoidable. If you forget to do something important, you’re risking your job. If your boss forgets, you forgot to remind him. If you can’t get the printer to work, you’re incompetent. If your boss can’t get the printer to work, it’s broken. When you get laid off, you get two weeks severance and a security guard to escort you off the premises. When your boss gets laid off, he gets a golden parachute and stock options. Got any others? Let us know in the comments!