Some are from the Internet, and some are from my mind alone: the Top 13 Excuses for Being Late to Work:
13. My Mom didn’t wake me up on time. She doesn’t like to come into the basement.
12. Starbucks was out of caramel macchiato syrup. So I went home.
11. When I woke up the morning, I was still tied to the bed and the whore was gone.
10. My left turn signal was out, so I had to make all right turns to get to work.
9. I’m [insert religion here], and we don’t recognize Daylight Savings Time. We call it “Daylight Satan’s Time.”
8. I had a headache and did not want to give it to anyone else.
7. There was a parade, and Ferris Bueller was singing “Twist & Shout.”
6. This morning my wife was getting pregnant, and I wanted to be there.
5. I’m late because nothing’s more important to me than our beloved Alaska. In fact, I quit!
4. Sorry, I have the swine flu, and I had to stop and buy these surgical masks for everyone else in the office to wear.
3. I thought we had Columbus Day off.
2. Don’t oppress me with your White male notions of linear time!
1. I was late today because I was reading “late for work” excuses on my computer.
Got any better excuses? Let us know in the comments!Humor: The Top 13 Excuses for Being Late to Work by Erik Even