Humor: What Employee Recommendations Really Mean

When a potential employer calls your employment references, he or she knows the person at the end of the line can’t legally badmouth you. But sometimes its possible to read between the lines of a glowing recommendation.

From the ‘Tubes: The Lexicon of Intentionally Ambiguous Recommendations (or LIAR):

A man like him is hard to find. He disappears frequently.

Most of us had good impressions of him. And there was this one guy who could mimic him perfectly.

He’s a man of many convictions. He’s got a record a mile long.

I am pleased to say that she is a former colleague of mine. I can’t tell you how happy I am that she left.

He’s a difficult man to replace. He’ll sue if you try to fire him.

He takes a lot of enjoyment out of work. And ruins it for others too.

She merits a closer look. Don’t let her out of your sight.

He is a man of great vision. He hallucinates.

He is definitely a man to watch. Don’t trust him at all.

She commands the respect of everyone with whom she works. But rarely gets it.

You will never catch him asleep on the job. He’s too crafty to get caught.

He’s the kind of employee you can swear by. He likes dirty jokes, too.

If I were you, I’d give him sweeping responsibilities. He can also handle a mop.

When I saw her last, her business was just picking up. Litter, mostly.

When he worked for us, he was given numerous citations. And had to appear in court for each one.

She gives every appearance of being a loyal, dedicated employee. But appearances are deceiving.

He doesn’t mind being disturbed. Which is why he doesn’t take his medication.

Got any more? Let us know in the comments!