Resume & Cover Letter Bloopers

Here is another web meme, found in the wilds of the Internet. It claims to have been published in Fortune magazine. Anyway, it’s funny.

These are (supposedly) real comments and notes culled from resumes and cover letters. All misspellings and typos are original.

“I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”

“I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.”

“Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

“Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”

“Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”

“Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”

“It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”

“Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”

“You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”

“Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

“I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”

“I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”

“I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my
resume on my office voice mail.”

“I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
absolutely nothing.”

“My goal is to be a meterologist. But since I possess no training in
meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”

“I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”

“Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”

“As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”

“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never
quit a job.”

“Marital status: often. Children: various.”

“Reason for leaving my last job: They insisted that all employees get to
work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under thos conditions.”

“The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.”

“Finished eighth in my class of ten.”

“References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.”

Got any good ones? Let us know in the comments!